I listen to a lot of podcasts and audiobooks, it is something I picked up about two years ago and I have never looked back, they are great! 

There is always something new to learn and on whatever topics you wish to listen to. Because of this I am always on the lookout for new shows and books to discover and I love being given recommendations. 

Not too long ago, I was shown an audiobook on Audible and it has been blowing my mind! Not just because it is teaching me new things (although it definitely is) but because it reinforces so much of what I talk about when it comes to public speaking, in particular, the art of Active Listening.

Active Listening isn’t just the ability to listen to words coming out of a person’s mouth, although that’s certainly part of it. It involves taking all your attention off of yourself and putting it on to the other person. 

How are they standing? What are they doing with their hands? What is their tone of voice? Are they getting more excited by certain topics than with others? Is what they’re saying lining up with what they are doing? Are my responses eliciting the reactions I want or am I simply ignoring their signals because I’m not fully engaged? How can I create empathy with this person?

When we speak to someone, or are being spoken to, do you know how the information our brain receives is generally broken down? 

It is said that up to 55% of our attention is focused purely on body language, what signals is their body giving off and a. do I like it, or b. does it link up with what they are saying?

38% of what is said is down to tone of voice, is someone telling you that they’re calm but their voice is all over the place?

And only 7% is actually down to the verbal content.

Now tell me this, how many times have you spoken to a person, let’s say a salesman, who is doing everything in his power to convince you that what he has to offer is the best thing since sliced bread! He’s got every “getting to yes” strategy memorised and is more than ready to unleash them upon you.  

Your brain and body no doubt go into reject mode, you’re not interested. You can feel you’re being sold to and instinctively your desire is to push away from this annoying person. Your body language will go defensive, crossed arms, either intense eye contact with nothing behind it or broken and not really giving them much time, responses will be kept to the briefest of grunts and mm’s. 

They’re still going though, can they not tell that you’re not interested! Why are they so persistent?! Why are they so smiley!?!

You eventually say “yes” out of frustration because you know that’s the answer they want. Now, finally, they will leave you alone. You know that you have absolutely no intention of keeping your word though, something will come up, it always does…

This is the bad salesman, they are searching for a yes and will go to any lengths to get it. They believe that by hounding and beating you into submission with their facts, figures and cheap, disingenuous smile that that will allow them to achieve their goal of the sale.

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Well what’s this got to do with Active Listening I hear you cry? 

Everything.

That Salesman isn’t Actively Listening to you! They’re so focused on themselves and achieving their goal that there is no room to take into account the person they are actually trying to sell to. By simply focusing their effort on hearing the word yes, they ignore all the other avenues that could actually lead them to the sale.

Now let’s look at another example, this time from a good, professional salesman. 

You have a problem, or a basic want. A saleswoman comes over and asks if this is a situation you are happy with. No, is what I assume your answer would be. No grants you safety and control over your current predicament which, in this case, is dealing with the sales person. It also means you are now listening and engaged as you have this safety blanket of having initially said no to what she hopes to sell, you don’t feel attacked and pressured anymore to say yes. 

Over the next couple of minutes they seem to have all the right answers. She’s agreeable and isn’t steam rolling all over you with what she has to say, giving you plenty of time to allow you to talk as well. 

By the end of your chat, she has found and provided you with a solution. You couldn’t be happier. You can’t give her your money fast enough to get her product and sort out your problem.

So what’s the difference between these two sales people? They’re both selling the same product and yet the second one is a great person whilst the first one causes you to plot how best to dispose of their body. 

The second one is Actively Listening to you. They are mirroring you, physically, but also in how they talk, picking up on cues that you’re giving off, some without you even knowing it, and making you feel like the most important person there. By the end of it you’d probably be happy to welcome them into your home for a cup of tea and some cake!

Remember, Public Speaking isn’t just the art of standing on stage to talk to large groups of people. Public Speaking is any time when you are forced into a position of needing to talk under pressure. This can be both for multiple people and in one on one circumstances.

If you want to know more about Active Listening and how to utilise it, or about how to improve your ability as a public speaker, CLICK HERE now to get instant access to my free training video.